25 Comments
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Laurel O’Sullivan, J.D.'s avatar

I can absolutely relate to feeing in a fog and numb at your son’s funeral as I was at mine. I am also a David Kessler certified grief educator and so much of your description resonates. We are grief illiterate and it’s the greatest gift in the world when someone dares to mention our deceased child’s name to us and ask us genuinely how we are doing. Thank you for sharing as well about how your faith has grown. Until we go through catastrophic grief it can be hard to imagine how that’s possible. Of course there is or at least for me was initial anger at God but I am so glad you have that as an anchor and source of peace.

Chano's avatar

I appreciate your insight and kind support. Are you a moderator? Thanks for reading 🫶

Laurel O’Sullivan, J.D.'s avatar

I am not a moderator in David Kesslers groups—is that what you mean?

Chano's avatar

Yes. On Monday in his TH program.

Karen Kelly's avatar

I have so much brain fog around my son's funeral, too. Thank you for writing this.

Chano's avatar

I see you, Karen, and my heart breaks for all of us 🫶

Kelly - Mothers never give up's avatar

Dear Chano, thank you for sharing your stories, reflections and wisdom so beautifully. Your words not only brought me tears, and also gave me hope as I am navigating my own grief journey.

It has been 13 months since I attended my 15-year-old son Kevin's funeral, and I found myself often thinking of his funeral. I can barely remember who came when or what was said. All I could recall was blurred faces and fragmented words that faded quickly. I was lost in the fog of devastation. But I do remember the weight of it, with so many people being there pay him respect.

Sending you hugs and much love, my dear friend.

Chano's avatar

Ah Kelly, your heartfelt response truly touched my heart. I'm really sorry that we have to think back to that horrific day 💔.

Remember, God is in our story. Sending warm hugs to you, Kevin’s mom. ❤️🙏🏽

Tracey Craddock's avatar

Beautiful 🩷

Chano's avatar

Thank you!

Aaron Sorensen's avatar

Yesterday was five years after my son Lucas’s funeral. People know this is around the time of his death, but only a few still ask how I’m doing and tell me that they’re thinking of me. To be fair, I think most people just don’t know what to do or say so they err on the side of caution by waiting for my lead or saying nothing.

Chano's avatar

Aaron, so sorry for your loss. I appreciate the insight, and I understand that some people are clueless about how to react. Love to you and Lucas.

Aaron Sorensen's avatar

Thank you. I am sorry about your losses and hope you are doing well.

Chano's avatar

🫶🏽

Esther Stanway-Williams's avatar

Chano, you write with such humanity and compassion. This must be a heavy week for you. Sending love ❤️❤️❤️

Chano's avatar

Thank you, Esther ❤️🙏🏽

Jayne Says's avatar

Such loving wisdom❤️

Chano's avatar

Grief wisdom 🫶

Teresa Turner's avatar

Absolutely it’s bee8 years for me and sometimes it still feels like yesterday and the tears still fall unexpectedly I hear certain songs 🙏🙏🙏

Chano's avatar

Thank you for sharing your experience; I truly appreciate it.

Stephen Drew's avatar

Grief does transform us, my friend. Who we are becoming...yes.

Chano's avatar

I appreciate this and also sharing your experience.

Nancy E. Holroyd, RN's avatar

"We comment on appearances because we do not know how to enter another person’s sorrow."

I feel this statement so much. 💞

Julie Cristal's avatar

This is one of the most profound essays on grief I’ve ever read. Thank you for the bottom of my heart. Every word could have been written by me.